He stumbled into faith and thought, "God, this is all there is?"

blue lips//regina spektor

this song evokes images of me listening to ani difranco for the first time in high school, sitting on my bedroom floor with my headphones on. songs like "fuel" and "garden of simple" and "recoil," were such ferocious and such accurate lyrical representations of my american angst i could hardly stand it. it felt like she played her guitar with a shovel, digging every word out its cavity like she was going after a buried treasure. listening to this is the closest i have felt to miss d in years. i can imagine spektor madly running after these words down the path of inspiration that led her head first into this stanza:

He took a step, but then felt tired.
He said, "I'll rest a little while."
But when he tried to walk again,
He wasn't a child.
And all the people hurried fast,
Real fast,
And no one ever smiled.

i feel so validated reading this, because i don't know when i turned 23. i remember i woke up one day, and there were messages wishing me a happy birthday. i hadn't been very involved in my life for awhile. i have a tendency to put distance between myself and...myself. and everything...else. yeah, that's on my list of "opportunities" at work. so anyways i decided about a year ago to get up and start walking again, with alacrity....and as sure as i am still feeling a bit brittle from my infirmity, i am having a bit of trouble locating my youthful resilience.

either i was fast forwarded, or everything around me is being fast forwarded. "stop the world, i want to get on!" has finally come to replace my interpretation of life as "stop the world, i want to get off!" and it would aid me now to rekindle the vitality with which i hopped onto a moving walkway for the first time as a child.

1 comment:

  1. beautiful. thanks for sharing all of this. exactly what i needed today.