gods and monsters

there’s blood in your collapsed lung. and it smells like ghosts! i put my music on shuffle tonight and this song came on...and it grabbed me and pulled me back to november 2008, a place i never really wanted to return to. don’t get attached to the music. and do not fall in love with your muse. 
i have this superpower that let’s me slow reality down and speed it up at will. i can make things really quiet and watch moments unravel from such a distance that i feel like i am on another planet even though i am so close to you i can feel the hairs of your arm. and yes, i still remember how those feel. so that night is like this. the only thing between us is this song, and it’s recorded at this very low decibel that these very old, small speakers are trying to blast, so it comes out all charred, coughing and  screaming. it's charming. it sounds the way it feels to try to pick up water with your hands. and my memory has dedicated this song to you, and i don’t even really know if you’ve ever even heard this song, or if you have, if you would like it. anyways, to me you were still this mythical creature, who only drank vermouth from gold plated fountains. and so when i saw you hail the bartender to order a drink like all the rest of us, i was so pleased and amused that i could be a witness to your human transformation. and this smile crept across my face in such a sneaky way i didn’t even realize it was my lips. 
in the time you waited for your drink you grew a head, and shoulders and a back, and legs. and an arm...that felt electric, resonating so much friction i came back from planet wherever and sent my breath to the space between us, and i could hear the music again--and it wasn’t between us anymore, it was around us. 
i don’t think i had a single thought during this entire encounter. which is probably why i remember it so well. you remember things better when you don’t have to store all the extra metadata of the situation--the judging thoughts, the interpretation of the facts, the story. no, i had this completely transcendent experience that spared me of all that. exquisite.
so. i carefully laid out the contents of this file across the table and scrutinized each item. and that’s what i found. the file was spotless--a rarity, not marred by anything, suspended high above the clutter--in it’s own time even--it was before. and so yeah....i’m going to keep it there. 
and delete this song from my library. 

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