MDASH—————

this video is incredible!

2011-08-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

Matthew Dear - "Slowdance" by Charles Bergquist

ashes and snow

2011-08-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

these images are as unique and moving as prayers. i think the exhibition is in mexico city right now, and there is a film by the same title about gregory colbert's work which i can't wait to see.

i only have 2 minutes!

2011-08-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

there is an infinite unbearably at large amount of possibilites to give in to but we usually settle for a multiple choice answer limited to our own interpretation of a world that is not ours to understand.

this is not an instance of me being ahead of the curve.

2011-03-03T22:50:00.000-08:00

confession: i am the last person to be listening to grizzly bear for the first time. i've heard it in cars, on iPod speaker docks, downstairs, through the walls, in the park, high, in California, Colorado, New York, where else? apparently i even saw them open for Feist in 2007.

don't yell at me! i was all mixed up with animal collective, and fleet foxes, and department of eagles, and... so grizzly bear got the cold shoulder, nudged into my lovingly growing playlist called "oops, forgot to listen to this." this playlist is distant cousin of "pile of bills" on my desk and sister to "haven't watched yet" document on computer. dynasties worry me, whether they go by clinton or sequel, which is why star wars, 007, and the matrix's (don't take college level philosophy until you watch the matrix's. your professor will reference it hundreds of times, the class will have many a-ha moments, and you will fail) still have not received my undivided attention. whatever, i have commitment issues. these are all a serious time suck!

so i watched blue valentine last month. and here comes unrelenting grizzly bear again to accompany me throughout, and break me out of my jaded indie rock is boring haze. ok-- have you guys heard Ready, Able!? of course you have! it was like, so 2009, right? whatever. jerks. the light shone down and she done listen to this song.

i thought i was going to avoid grizzly bear like i avoided beanie babies and harry potter. hysteria worries me, but hipster hysteria downright terrifies me. thus the aversion. in hindsight, avoiding harry potter was a mistake. and grizzly bear is emerging from the shadows a weird winner. in the words of bill compton, i will atone.

exhibit a: what finally got my attention.

exhibit b: what kept my attention.

here's a pretty girl wearing the ps1 mochila bag-- to help distract you from the error of my ways.

Ask not what your space suit can do for you, ask what you can do for your space suit

2011-02-24T20:30:00.000-08:00

Left vs Right (World) | David McCandless & Stefanie Posavec

2010-11-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

click to enlarge

suggestions

2010-11-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

etc.

2010-10-08T23:11:00.000-07:00

arguing

2010-09-13T00:33:00.000-07:00

colors

2010-09-09T00:57:00.000-07:00

messier object 83

2010-08-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

when i first heard "we own the sky" by M83 last year, i was like yeah, this is it. this how summer feels to me. i always thought pale colors towards the center of the spectrum were eerie. seeing the music video now for the first time proves that the band shares my sentiment. i rarely see a music video that captures how a song makes me feel, and conceptually the imagery that a song makes me think of. i think this is the most accurately my mind has ever preconceived of such a thing. i mean, was this actually filmed in boulder!?

lilys//ginger

2010-08-28T01:12:00.001-07:00

for your full screen HD viewing pleasure

2010-08-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

room for improvement

2010-08-26T00:20:00.000-07:00

apparently, in the south dakota airport, only cans and bottles are recyclable.

merits:
at least the airport recycles.

demerits:
i had to lift the lid to put in the irregularly shaped plastic container from my sandwich.
the recycling container is the same color as the trashcan.
materials that can be recycled should be listed, not items.

draw stuff

2010-08-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

deviantart* added a new tool to their site. it's HTML5 based so i am thinking...finally, a rad thing to do on an iPad. http://muro.deviantart.com/

foolish is the man who looks at the finger which points to the sky.

2010-08-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

love after love

2010-08-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

the time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say sit here, eat.
you will love again the stranger who was your self.
give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

derek wolcott

jon kabat zinn reads this poem aloud at the end of a mindfulness workshop at google hq.

b.a.r.c.e.l.o.n.a.

2010-07-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

(estas no me perteneces)

et al.

2010-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

abdominal physics and the boiling-cold sensation of sparkling water.

2010-07-12T02:44:00.000-07:00

ok, so usually in our bodies, things pretty much know exactly where to go. everything runs really smoothly. so much so that we can't really feel anything even happening. but then something happens! and your insides get electrocuted and you feel like a drummer who lost his rhythm. your cells get all supercharged and burst effervescently as they collide, like those tiny little self destructive bubbles in carbonated drinks. it feels like all your major organs got loose of the sticky web of gravity-defying plasma holding them in their respective places, and they fell into a giant heap at the bottom of somewhere they don't belong. and then you can feel them because they can feel each other.

elements become compounds, nouns become verbs. and fear, which you normally can't feel (but know it's there), becomes b e i n g s c a r e d.

(!)

download: carbonated mount kimbie

psychological evaluation tool or art?

2010-07-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

i think the rorschach inkblots would make for some very sinister stamps.

update: visiting the mcnichols building in denver during the biennial of americas here in denver, i came across this exhibit of beautifully displayed rorscach inkblots! i'm apparantly not the only one who thinks these are artistic.

photo courtesy greg maguire. i'll have to update this post with who created the series.

originally published on 1.17.10

settling down ≠ settling

2010-07-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

ohhhhh.

hey. i always thought these terms were interchangeable. like monotony and monogamy. but they aren't. what a relief!

done.

the porch lately

2010-07-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

The last major book I finished was Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Right now I am reading Haruki Marukami's the Wind Up Bird Chronicle. My friend Marisa is doing the same thing in the other order. We didn't really do it on purpose. We're just kindred spirits. That's all.

There is a very stark contrast between these two author's writing styles-- Unbearable Lightness does not use description at all; there isn't a single description in the entire book of even the main characters. It resembles the austere communist landscape of Prague during the time of the novel.

In Wind Up Bird, Murakami laces his novel with vibrant, colorful, rich description. His writing style reflects the story taking place in post-war democratized Japan.

I'm also doing a lot of research on education. The main thing I have learned (you know how you know things but you don't really know them until you discover them for yourself) is that instruction is the antonym of learning. Oh, God, so much irony in that sentence. Murakami is an instructor. He tells you exactly how to envision his story. Kundera is a teacher. He let's you color in every scene however you would like.

I don't think one is better than the other. But I do believe that both authors are intentional.

ira glass identifies my frustration!

2010-07-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

thank you, cara, for posting this on your blog.

this would be a good post to read for typos and punctuation errors

2010-07-01T15:17:00.000-07:00

good.is recommended taking an interactive test on the New York Times to find out if the internet is ruining your brain and ability to focus.
The test has 24 trials which are supposed to test how easily distracted you are.

My results are in: I couldn't finish the test.

I went through the first 4 trials, got bored, and automatically quit. I say automatic because I don't feel like it was a decision I made, and I think the fraction of a second it took for me to give up was so small I probably would not have even noticed it were it not for the fact that I was taking an exam that measures my ability to pay attention.

Well, that's enough self disclosure for today. Time to return to my short lived meditation practice.

damien hirst doesn't have time for a website

2010-06-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

exhibit a: http://www.damienhirst.com/
exhibit b: http://search.creativecommons.org/?q=damien+hirst&sourceid=Mozilla-search

design. create. write. speak. share. the web will become your site.

(nothing is a problem for me)

He stumbled into faith and thought, "God, this is all there is?"

2010-06-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

blue lips//regina spektor

this song evokes images of me listening to ani difranco for the first time in high school, sitting on my bedroom floor with my headphones on. songs like "fuel" and "garden of simple" and "recoil," were such ferocious and such accurate lyrical representations of my american angst i could hardly stand it. it felt like she played her guitar with a shovel, digging every word out its cavity like she was going after a buried treasure. listening to this is the closest i have felt to miss d in years. i can imagine spektor madly running after these words down the path of inspiration that led her head first into this stanza:

He took a step, but then felt tired.
He said, "I'll rest a little while."
But when he tried to walk again,
He wasn't a child.
And all the people hurried fast,
Real fast,
And no one ever smiled.

i feel so validated reading this, because i don't know when i turned 23. i remember i woke up one day, and there were messages wishing me a happy birthday. i hadn't been very involved in my life for awhile. i have a tendency to put distance between myself and...myself. and everything...else. yeah, that's on my list of "opportunities" at work. so anyways i decided about a year ago to get up and start walking again, with alacrity....and as sure as i am still feeling a bit brittle from my infirmity, i am having a bit of trouble locating my youthful resilience.

either i was fast forwarded, or everything around me is being fast forwarded. "stop the world, i want to get on!" has finally come to replace my interpretation of life as "stop the world, i want to get off!" and it would aid me now to rekindle the vitality with which i hopped onto a moving walkway for the first time as a child.

sometimes i doubt your commitment to SPARKLE...motion

2010-06-07T00:17:00.000-07:00

kym ellery: mermaid sequin glitter sparkle!
i found images @ src783

always...

2010-06-06T23:09:00.001-07:00

spring tastes so good

2010-05-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

Thanks to mint.com, I realized I was exceeding my budget for eating out, whether quickly or slowly, alone or with friends, and conversely, that I wasn't spending enough money at the grocery store. Based on this analysis, I concluded that if I took the money I was spending in excess at restaurants, and, frankly, Rumbi Island Grill, and put it towards groceries, my budget would be balanced, and so would be my diet. For me that literally looked like spending $9 more per day on groceries, and $5 less per day on eating out, on average, approximately. I finally put my dissatisfaction into action, and have been preparing bright and delicious meals all month.

I also downloaded an application from Whole Foods that, when I input the ingredients I have on hand, outputs a recipe into which I can incorporate those ingredients. I have buttermilk in my refrigerator, and I didn't know what to use it for, and so I am going to make buttermilk potatoes.

This is all based around the idea that, the more information you feed into, essentially, an algorithm or an application, the more meaningful it will become. The Whole Foods application took unrelated ingredients and related them into a recipe for a meal. Mint turned all of my individual transactions into a chart that graphs my spending patterns. And based on the information, I was able to modify my behavior, and improve my life.

Thanks to direct deposit, a debit card, and free personal finance software, my life is becoming almost as smart as my iPhone. It's just one of the ways I have been "living by numbers."

stripes

2010-05-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

sanctuary

2010-05-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

"What's your style?" I'm sorry, but this has no certain style that you should expect to follow. That is my response.

I have sanctuary. I learned the value of sanctuary at a time in my life when it was completely necessary. In church basements less than a mile away I have found what people travel the world looking for.

But I also like to apply sanctuary to conventional places, uncommonly considered sacred. To begin, a little eatery in Boulder, Modmarket.

This playful reinvention of the common cafeteria is near my place of employment. I like it because it is conveniently located, and it serves fresh, sophisticated, well-proportioned plates without the attitude (and $2 tumblers of wine if you are interested!). It would do well among the Pearl street restaurants, but the fact that it is located off the beaten path, in a strip mall for heaven's sake, adds to its modest charm. Lately, being that I live in a house occupied by 5 people, there isn't much that I crave more than ordering the pomegranate glazed pizza (made with whole grain dough!), and reading the latest issue of Vogue in peace.

Modmarkert is long and slender, and with west-facing windows that reach from the floor to the ceiling, the majestic 5 p.m. spring sunshine pours in and views of the mountains are unobstructed. If the owners are native southern Californians it would explain a lot about the design, and about my attraction to the place. It is minimally decorated in white and brushed aluminum-- bare walls, skinny white chairs and tables, small bunches of grass grow along its walls-- and on good days, I think they put their Pandora radio station to Ulrich Schnauss or someone similar to complete the clean affect. I easily and happily spend an hour here, savoring the time between work and home.

They have a pretty great blog on their website as well: check out one of my favorite entries.

Stay tuned for the next episode of sanctuary: the dance floor.

HYPERACTIVITY

2010-04-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

FINGERS TEEMING WITH ENERGY.

seriously cannot type fast enough right now,
to get all my ideas down.
saturday in denver
feeling like sunday in seattle.

HYPERLOVE.
HYPERHAPPY.

yoga @ the moma

2010-04-10T00:42:00.000-07:00

i have watched this video innumerable times. it beautifully captures elena brower warming up before leading a yoga class at the museum of modern art in nyc in early 2009. brower's figure is silhouetted against the "pour your body out" (pipolitti rist) installation which played moving images over a multichannel video projection 7354 cubic meters high.

calming and inspiring. really wish i could have taken that class! sincerely hope to do something similar someday.

don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today;

2010-03-26T02:01:00.000-07:00

I read this bit description of Rodarte's Fall 2010 collection showcased during New York fashion week in Vogue magazine today, and it struck a nostalgic chord for me.

There was genius at every turn in Laura and Kate Mulleavy's tour de force Rodarte collection, which elevated their inventiveness to a new high. "This collection was very close to me," said Laura in their rented first floor apartment, decorated like a rococo dollhouse they labeled Chateau Brioche. I had invited myself over hours after the show to find the sisters and close-knit staff eating takeout tacos and watching the evening news.
"We just pushed and pushed to the limit," added Kate.

-André Leon Talley, Vogue Apr. 2010

My mom was a choral director. She put on grand productions for middle school students and their parents about four times a year, and did a lot of the work single-handedly. She spent weekends at school with her students (and little me--trying to make friends with the big kids) adorning the entire auditorium with handmade set decorations. She planned choreography on our long commutes home. Sometimes, she turned the productions into dinner theaters, hiring caterers. She had a close relationship with her accompanist, who helped her put together the program. My mom would work late into the night on her Mac designing the program book all by herself--using, if I recall correctly--Hyperstudio? She also taught drama, and so there would be skits by her drama students interspersed throughout the shows, complementing whatever its theme was. And they were funny.

Months of work and planning, and two hours later, the show would be over. She always got flowers from her students, parents, or staff. It was magical. I was always in the audience with my dad or brother, and I would wait for her to finish chatting with whoever, maybe I would help clean up, put chairs away, or carry props from the stage down the back stairs to the practice room.

And then we--me, my brother, my mom and her accompanist--usually went to Red Robin, or in the earlier days, Coco's to eat, decompress and celebrate. Those were usually the only restaurants open at 10 p.m. in our suburban town. My mom and Leni would talk about the show. I don't remember what they talked about, really, but they used this time, during what felt like the middle of the night to me, to come down together off the energy they created. Oh, I always had an opinion. I really thought I was offering valuable insight. The littlest grown up, my mom's helper. I felt like an intricate part of the process.

I always carefully observed my mom in her element, and she instilled in me a sense of what it means to see something through from concept to creation. I believe she cultivated my romantic ideas of good work ethic--satisfying, exhausting, thrilling work--more than I realized until now. She didn't take shortcuts.

...She made teenage musical productions seem like a tour de force. She always elevated her inventiveness to a new high, and you could tell how close her work was to her. She pushed and pushed to the limit. And we, her staff, always went out to eat afterwards.

my heart lives in my vagina

2010-03-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

i'm totally fucked.

i don't want to be an artist i want to be happy. (ben vautier)

2010-03-11T22:39:00.000-08:00

i regard structure and routine with the same esteem as the to-do list: elusive, strangely satisfying, therapeutic. i am someone who loves, no, LOVES cleaning supplies. and growing up school supply shopping was always highly anticipated. however, i am also someone who never uses those cleaning supplies, and school was just a doodle in a margin when it came down to it. designing my day is deeply comforting to my anxious, chaotic soul, but my favorite part of life is the blank space in between my color coded calendar.

here is how others spend their time, and a look at the spaces in which they do it.

padma lakshmi's sunday routine .the new york times magazine. i love these features.

vogue's sally singer in her chelsea hotel apartment photos tom selby

the daily routines of ben franklin and many other notable writers, artists and intellectuals are outlined at the most excellent dailyroutines.typepad.com

oh, wowie! I just came across another one. Doing some research on Mat Schulz, founder & director of Unsound Festival, I stumbled upon an interview of him with Gosia, another organizer of Unsound. The interview is published by the Krakow Post as part of a series called "My Life," in which prominent Cracovians are interviewed about their Cracovian lives, likes and dislikes. Read their responses here and go here other interviews.

photo: kevin erickson

Communikey is Good

2010-03-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

Music festivals are so abundant these days: Sasquatch in Washington, Bumbershoot in Seattle, Outside Lands in San Francisco, Bonnaroo in Manchester, Tennessee, Rothbury in Michigan, Austin City Limits in Texas, and of course, the daddy of them all, Coachella in Indio. (I say that as a native Californian.)

Choosing which one(s) you attend represents who you are. My friends take a lot of pride in the festivals they go to, and they are usually pretty defensive about why one is better than the other, or last year's line up was so much better than this year's bill. My friends take on this curatorial perspective, taking responsibility for the selectivity of the event, using personal anecdotes and hyperbole to endorse their opinions.

Did you know that Boulder, CO has its own music festival? A very eclectic, personal, and progressive one at that? It's called Communikey: not-for-profit, locally organized to showcase global talent, sustainable--and what sets it apart, in my opinion, is that it has a mission statement, and its vision is clearly stated on the first page of its website.

If you search the Bonnaroo website, for instance, the most you can find out about the festival is what it is, but not necessarily what it is about:

"The Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival is a four-day, multi-stage camping festival held on a beautiful 700-acre farm in Manchester, Tennessee every June. Bonnaroo brings together some of the best performers in rock and roll, along with dozens of artists in complementary styles such as jazz, Americana, hip-hop, electronica, and just about any contemporary music you can think of. In addition to dozens of epic performances, the festival's 100-acre entertainment village buzzes around the clock with attractions and activities including a classic arcade, on-site cinema, silent disco, comedy club, theater performers, a beer festival, and a music technology village."

Now don't get me wrong; I have always really wanted to go to Bonnaroo. It seems like a blast. It's very complete, boasting everything from general stores, to art installations, to a.m. clean and sober groups. Very cool. But what is it's reason for being? What are the participants reasons for being there, other than "having a blast?" What is the goal of the event?

Over the years, Bonnaroo has proven its commitment to community by making over $3,000,000 in charitable contributions to local arts organizations, "health and social services, educational programs, and a variety of community projects."

Hmmm. Ok, most corporations also have a webpage to highlight their charitable efforts. Target does, and so does Goldman Sachs, for example. But is community investment the goal of Bonnaroo, or Target, or Goldman Sachs? It is certainly laudable that they make the effort, but outreach by large organizations has more to do with public relations than it has to do with core values.

Communikey is an intelligent music festival. It is strategic. It hopes to have a long-term, positive impact on its participants. Communikey seizes the space between genres--the bill isn't pigeonholed--making the music and the ideas behind it accessible to anyone who is interested in understanding it. And Communikey is so much more than one weekend; it has events year round. It brings together lovers of the music it promotes in venues all the time, in many places. Communikey doesn't just promote community, it is community. There are events throughout festival weekend designed to help people see the entire process behind creating thoughtful music. It uses partnerships instead of sponsorships for funding, which allows for more flexibility and growth. Coachella is sponsored by Heineken, Odwalla (a division of Coca-Cola), Microsoft, and H&M, to name a few-- I can't see how these companies relate to the music and culture they promote. Communikey, on the other hand, partners with the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, Trust for Mutual Understanding, Mutek, Ableton, the Alliance for Technology, Learning, and Society, which is based at the University of Colorado, located in Boulder, and more. These groups are all determined to see through the progression of sound in modern culture, and all have clearly identifiable mission statements, unlike Coachella's sponsors, for instance.

So this is my choice. These are a few of the reasons I am honored to participate, support, and be involved with Boulder's Communikey. It's intentional; it's genuine; it's innovative. Those characteristics are important to me; I share Communikey's core values, and therefore my life has been profoundly affected by the artists and musicians who host it. Not to mention, I have a lot of fun!

Communikey takes place April 15-18, 2010 in Boulder, CO.

siren song

2010-03-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

there is a subcontinental gash in my field of vision. seismically speaking...well, i won't do that. but there is not a tremor strong enough to move that sepulchre out of my heart, which by the way is not a container.

the fermentation process i buoyantly used for you is only resulting in an oil spill, split up by a geometrical morning. slick, volatile shit. and not the colorful, shapeless-ness i had imagined.

fashionable convictions.
parochial euphemisms.

i need a better excuse for being this age.

6 am

2010-03-07T06:49:00.000-08:00

map of my morning. who said it has to be dark at night?

dash snow

deyn by mcginley

color

matt eich

LA

2010-03-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

one of my favorite people in the world just moved to LA, my beloved LA, for new opportunities, new perspectives. he adapted his experience so far to whimsical video footage. so, so talented he is, making something so advanced in technology look like it was woven together with the detail of a needle and thread. the baby, the baby it grows. a familiar puppy that i have only ever seen covered in snow is now playing in sand. i am so proud of so many people i know. i have SO many talented friends, and i feel so lucky to know them and be apart of their lives, learn from them, share with them. amazing. my friends are amazing.

see for yourself:

Olives:Rainbows /// a film by alex king from Alex King & Mito Media on Vimeo.

i went to LA in October with friends. here are some pictures i took and some things that i thought of it.

this is my immortality

2010-03-01T00:49:00.000-08:00

in ancient roman mythology, 'genius' described a separate divine entity that embodies a person.

the term has evolved almost as much as humans have.

it used to mean that the artist or intellectual was just a vessel for their genius to give birth to something more powerful and everlasting than human faculties have the capacity to understand or language to describe. for instance the beatles disbanded but the white album is still in print. the promotional period is over. so who/what is responsible for its continued trajectory? what has sustained its momentum? john lennon is gone but the song "imagine" is still playing on the radio. the likelihood is stronger that john lennon will lose relevance or be forgotten than what he created. as a parent, you take credit for giving life, but you didn't design your reproductive system. and if your kid cures aids someday you don't take responsibility for it, but you do of course harbor a lot of pride...i mean, even general copyright law acknowledges an idea similar to this, that a person's work belongs to him for only 70 years past the life of the author.

we are not immortal but our contributions are. how much credit do you take? i don't take for granted flashes of insight that i have, these moments still astound me. i like the explanation that i am not the genius but that a genius is visiting me. "it's way less pressure," says elizabeth gilbert.

pro•pel

2010-02-24T22:06:00.000-08:00

in my last post, i referred to the internet as a wasteland.

i think i was awfully quick to jump to that conclusion.

the internet is also a friggin' goldmine. let's be honest, it's a marvelous construction.

it's the eighth wonder of world.

mission statement//

2010-02-20T22:09:00.000-08:00

i am trying to keep this blog as impersonal as possible. i don't want it to take the place of direct communication and my private thoughts do not belong in the public domain. however, i also don't want to be redundant. i don't want to simply repost things i find interesting without giving them due explanation, interpreting the content, translated into words. this was meant to be a stage on which to practice originality. and so i'm sorry about the last post. the internet is a wasteland and i don't want to contribute to that. i don't expect what i write here to be final drafts, or facts on a matter (though i may use facts to support arguments). i will edit posts and would be thrilled to have feedback. i have a website to which i will be posting a proper writing portfolio. go here for a selection of scholarly work.
i created this as a place for my ideas to have room to stretch, to free them from the mechanical confines of my mind. and i have been smitten with the idea of collaboration for awhile now. i really overuse that word. i want a partner, someone with whom i can grow creatively and intellectually, receive support and criticism from, who challenges and inspires me. but i am not going to rely on that, and i don't expect my load to be any lighter were that to happen. i may or may not have met that person yet, because in my lack of attention to detail, i have overlooked many, many people who i know have a lot of respect for me and i for them. but onward i go, looking for this partner, be it person, place or thing, trying to keep my mind open, avoid agenda, and maintain intention. there is a beautiful french word i wrote down on a piece of paper long lost whose definition perfectly captures this type of person in your life. it's very different from the idea of soul mate. it isn't romantic--the idea is romantic, but the relationship isn't necessarily.
so for now, this blog is my partner. that is its purpose i suppose. an internet presence should not replace dynamic three dimensional structure and interaction. this is but a virtual representation of what i hope is unfolding in my nuclear life, a simulation of something scientific.

unless blood is seeping from your pores...

2010-02-16T01:10:00.000-08:00

this photo is so wicked. i really wish i recalled where i found it.

unknown

avey tare

from jak&jil

leap net appear

2010-01-16T00:22:00.000-08:00

you can't cuddle in a bulletproof vest. or, how I am destined for fantasy.

recently, my authentic voice came from the ether to say to me: you are definitely ready for a relationship! it went on to describe this relationship for which I am "ready" as characteristically both light and heavy; infinitely loving, passionate, honest, precisely idyllic and happy. this, to be carried out with a man so light, and so heavy, equal parts charm and calm, both attentive and aloof, grounded and grand.

haha.

thank you, wise voice, for reminding that I am not ready for heartbreak.

funambulism

2010-01-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

florence welch’s voice is a tight-wire upon which her band performs acrobatic miracles and she sings with such vocal control you can feel the tension between each note she croons. together they are masterfully heart wrenching, especially on ‘cosmic love’ which is arranged with almost exactly the same frantic motivation as ‘dog days are over.’

both come with heavy, dramatic pauses that weigh down the center of the songs long enough to make you believe your heart is flatlining, only to take your breath away when both erupt into welch splattering her lyrical, red guts all over a wall with razor-like precision.

the band plays on in desperate concentration, eyes shut like tightly clenched fists, gaining momentum to avoid losing its balance–1-2-3-4, 2-2-3-4–, listening to the voice which vibrates beneath it for guidance. and by the end, the rythym is so securely fastened to the ground, they all dance across the finish line.

2010-01-08T15:24:00.001-08:00

check plus

2010-01-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

considering this haircut

opposition?

can't stop listening to:

nick cave & warren ellis: white lunar

++ new portishead "chase the tear" for amnesty int'l

and zomg i want!

more background info on my friend christine's blog

also, got an iPhone? Get this:

Local books iPhone app

ghostlycast #29

2010-01-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

i recommend...you listen to...a thoughtful mix.

http://soundcloud.com/ghostly/ghostlycast29-clark-warner-the-warm-up

by clark warner

mmmm BEEF

2009-12-15T23:14:00.001-08:00

photo courtesy nytimes

plans

2009-12-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

pick a verb, a noun, and a place, and do it.

right now mine is: finish school in boulder.

ta da!

abundance

2009-12-13T22:57:00.001-08:00

2009-12-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

mew/vies

2009-12-06T23:30:00.000-08:00

"In a Dream"
going to watch this sometime this week! can't wait. a documentary about Isaiah Zagar.

"Some Days Are Better Than Others" hoping to see a screening of this...when it's released....(beautiful orig score by eluvium). debut feature length film from Matt McCormick.

and, well, this just looks fucking weird. "Babies" from Focus.

can you tell someone to go to hell?

2009-12-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

today i woke up and realized the sun would only be out for two more hours. how are you maximizing your daylight? this is why you are in repayment. oh, god, you’re still waiting. waiting and wanting. for what, fool?

the sun is bright and the iridescent clatter of people’s lives running into each other, sparks glittering off into the infinite, is ringing in my ears.

“too many options may kill a man.”

"your country is weird."

"rearrange your heart."
"we don’t even have the basics."

then it snowed, and the stillness settled, and all that noise pollution evaporated into the thin of the air. sound doesn’t carry when the sky is that damp and heavy. snow is the coldest kind of packing material.

my voice is wrapped up in fresh packed snow. my tongue is frozen to someone's ass i don't know. my life is lost in the stillness.
melt me.

season's greetings

2009-12-03T02:24:00.000-08:00

truncated version of my winter music mix; cozy songs both familiar
and strange.

camera fetish

2009-12-01T01:54:00.000-08:00

from touchpuppet

my trusty sidekick

i want this one but i wish it came in 16 or 18 mm. $10

nikon sb800

JJJJound

hey ya...hey ya

2009-11-30T21:33:00.000-08:00

this makes me feel good!

deadweight loss

2009-11-30T01:20:00.000-08:00

Perhaps if I had a chance to read this 2 or 3 years ago I could have passed microeconomics the first time.

You talk in the book about the concept of "deadweight loss" and how it applies to holiday spending. Can you explain that?

A deadweight is a loss to one party that's not a gain to someone else. Normally if I spend $50 on myself it's for something worth at least $50 to me. If I spend $50 on you, and I don't know what you like or already have, I could buy something that's worth nothing for you. That's a loss. The average difference in gift satisfaction between the giver and recipient is about 20 percent.

Taken from an interview on salon with Joel Waldfogel about his book "Scroogenomics."

given that I feel more spiritually sick during the holiday season than any other time of the year, this book diagnoses what ails my tortured soul.

diagnosis: american overconsumption.

symptoms: fantasy shopping, plastic bags full of wrapping paper and cardboard boxes to take out to the dumpster, absent-minded shoppers wandering the mall, plastic pieces of junk imported from china strewn about the living room-----

america, i know you're sick, and it isn't all your fault. you've been truly corrupted--you were founded on spiritual and democratic principles from the era of romance and enlightenment that have been warped into an ugly corporate culture of addiction, malnutrition, and waste! things are awfully hazy right now; our minds are as polluted as the air.

this christmas can be different. we are becoming more thoughtful. people are talking about things. we can be conscious decision makers. we are what we buy as much if not more than we are what we eat. america is at capacity; information overload; cannot comprehend any more data! the future is clear! it's time to unlearn.

now watch this, preferably not around bedtime.

2009-11-27T21:24:00.000-08:00

things i like right now

2009-11-27T21:07:00.000-08:00

coloring in this!

admiring her style: the sartorialist

listening to him, not just because he is super hot

but because his music is too.

reading this. jaw-droppingly beautiful writer. like, did he really just say that!?

wanting this:proenza schouler:jak&jil blog

llena de gracias

2009-11-26T19:07:00.000-08:00

mine.

thanks, '09

untitled

2009-11-16T03:06:00.000-08:00

sleep evades me. how i am.

& i made it myself.

getting ok with being ok. uncharted territory.

want to go here. el museo del barrio in nyc. "la cama" by pepón osorio is part of the permanent collection on display, which chronicles latin american life in the city. the museum, located on upper 5th ave. is on its fourth decade and was recently renovated.

gods and monsters

2009-11-16T02:35:00.000-08:00

there’s blood in your collapsed lung. and it smells like ghosts! i put my music on shuffle tonight and this song came on...and it grabbed me and pulled me back to november 2008, a place i never really wanted to return to. don’t get attached to the music. and do not fall in love with your muse.

i have this superpower that let’s me slow reality down and speed it up at will. i can make things really quiet and watch moments unravel from such a distance that i feel like i am on another planet even though i am so close to you i can feel the hairs of your arm. and yes, i still remember how those feel. so that night is like this. the only thing between us is this song, and it’s recorded at this very low decibel that these very old, small speakers are trying to blast, so it comes out all charred, coughing and screaming. it's charming. it sounds the way it feels to try to pick up water with your hands. and my memory has dedicated this song to you, and i don’t even really know if you’ve ever even heard this song, or if you have, if you would like it. anyways, to me you were still this mythical creature, who only drank vermouth from gold plated fountains. and so when i saw you hail the bartender to order a drink like all the rest of us, i was so pleased and amused that i could be a witness to your human transformation. and this smile crept across my face in such a sneaky way i didn’t even realize it was my lips.

in the time you waited for your drink you grew a head, and shoulders and a back, and legs. and an arm...that felt electric, resonating so much friction i came back from planet wherever and sent my breath to the space between us, and i could hear the music again--and it wasn’t between us anymore, it was around us.

i don’t think i had a single thought during this entire encounter. which is probably why i remember it so well. you remember things better when you don’t have to store all the extra metadata of the situation--the judging thoughts, the interpretation of the facts, the story. no, i had this completely transcendent experience that spared me of all that. exquisite.

so. i carefully laid out the contents of this file across the table and scrutinized each item. and that’s what i found. the file was spotless--a rarity, not marred by anything, suspended high above the clutter--in it’s own time even--it was before. and so yeah....i’m going to keep it there.

and delete this song from my library.

werewolf

2009-11-13T20:13:00.000-08:00

epinephrine

2009-11-09T01:52:00.000-08:00

modest desires have become my most valuable treasures. i’ve long suffered from delusions of grandeur bounded by structural unmanageability, and divorcing myself from that i’ve found a way to live inside my moments instead of around them. my personal manifesto has never been so dangerous, outlined by a theoretical license to live. happily, quietly. stagnancy is death. connect the dots, i am a constellation, a pattern of stars on a scatter plot and my hair keeps getting stuck in the wall. the music is investigative, formless and physiological. extra sensory arousal touching the void. true love is rigorously honest, and only children know how to do that. psychology is advanced, but fight or flight is still primal, so basically life is rigged for pain. and i'm not the trademark of any religion, enterprise, or constitution. i'm leaving the lush island of verisimilitude for lands of sustainable courage.

one by one

2009-11-07T19:26:00.000-08:00

mine

PHOTO credit: lesmokingimage.blogspot.com

summertime danceathon video on vimeo

2009-11-05T01:57:00.000-08:00

if you remember this you were here from erin demarco on Vimeo.

my first video! it plays back like a run on sentence. but i like it. you're probably in it, too.

sheer black and thinly veiled

2009-11-04T13:45:00.000-08:00

i'm really into this look right now

freepeople

revolve

trendycrew

you taste like pastel whiskey heat, and like a wish

2009-11-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

in the absence of forever of the shadows of tomorrow you were gone from me, like the cherry from my apple eyes,
whereby the winged disguise of your lullaby you put me to sleep, cease to weep cease to keep forget to meet,
and the sun it rose from the ashes of our fire and set on the brink of an entire century lost to another.

i was exactly perfected by your autumn effect. it was a settled emotion that rested somewhere between everywhere and everything like fallen yellow leaves calm in their descent, for all in you all at once i had it all—lost to the frail refrain of our shadow’s veiled remain.
and what it all means you wrote on a page smashed into words of sinister speak, and i swear i won’t use love if hurt me, desert me you will hold me in the nook of your knee by the tree under which began our endless numbered days before gone they were like the space of time on time.

bury me, bind me to the death of us perished born from life piled on strife—for you for me for what are we but counted and folded packed and forwarded to the dimension of the yesterdays of my mind—of memories that is—we are but memories forever trapped inside. and without cliché i avoid the dream that filled our lungs and breathed life into the every day
now fragmented
into one

struggling

gasp

after

another

--from every next far reach of a release i can’t let go. so move you for the chance to crash to collide with the surface of the beginning of a forecasted past, of an eternity stale under the rug crusted between the floorboards of a summer’s second stab at shattered shaken glass. and in the instance of forever in which I am chained to this freedom that makes me as weightless as sky against the pavement we can all be true. but just between me and you, bend. bend to the centuries past, bend to the seeds that promote the greenest candy grass, bend to the passion of what may come. bend to whom you aspire to be with or without me. bend to what is and what is not. bend to break—bend, don’t fake. bend the truth—it’s a flexible revolution. bend. to land on your hands for once.

/the music splinters.

tinsel town

2009-11-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

a short photographic history of our trip to LA. these were taken with my iPhone.

pumba and marisa

"how do you know you're from co?"

"when you have a $5000 bicycle on top of your $500 car"

this photo speaks volumes about my friends! ♥

friggin awesome stuff at sophie's in silverlake.

like this poster in the window.

teague, woody, amanda, marisa and i went to intelligentsia for some tea and coffee. it rained while we sat outside underneath an umbrella. it was magical. a girl asked us to keep an eye on her bike. it had a carpeted vintage saddle. i was tempted to break the code. but never.

i want to move to silverlake so i can spend all of my time at intelligentsia.

gray and raining really takes the edge off LA. things seemed to move more slowly.

i don't know how it happened, it was meant to be that i looked out my window as we drove past figure 8 wall. "slow down!' i yelled at Amanda. long enough to take a snapshot, long enough for a ton of blood to rush into my heart, fill it to the brim, and erupt with thumping, fast passionate beats of love for the late mr. smith.

i spent a lot of time in traffic. i'm not complaining. the congestion is familiar, and small doses of familiarity are good for the soul. just thinking that next time i plan to visit la, i will double the length of my stay, to make up for the amount of time i will inevitably spend in transit

my first time driving in...a really long time...and i did it here. perfect. i would have a hard time being so reliant on a car after getting around by bike for so long. the world can be experienced three different ways: by car, by bicycle, or by foot, as far as i am concerned. and you can't feel a bird fly over your head in a car.

the lampshades at Toi.

"we can make these!"

we almost lost hope of going out our first night there. all frazzled from being in the f%$cking car for so long, being lost, and wet...but then i said, ok, let's just go to la cita. don't hate me if it sucks. we went. outside there might as well have been tumbleweeds, but when we went inside, there was a super awesome party, with live music from a really rad band called Mariachi el Bronx. Damon met up with us. WE DANCED!

after saying my fond farewells to miles and teague over breakfast in venice, they went to LAX en route to thailand for a long time. i went to beverly hills and oogled at all the shops.

i went here. finally. not that great.

something about how assertive LA is, we have a strong bond.

we have chemistry.

unruly, and colorful. and that's how i like it. no bullshit.

a refreshing place to go, home. it felt like home.

boulder is good at being white washed, progressive and clean.

in LA i felt tied to the individuality of each neighborhood, the gas station attendant with whom i was able to comfortably have conversation in spanish.

everything was real. everyone was real.

in boulder people are out for themselves in a more underhanded, manipulative way, diguising their narcissism with art and environment and good causes.

i like that in LA everyone is out for themselves in bright red lipstick, madly honking their horn.

if heaven is where you're going then....

2009-11-02T00:55:00.000-08:00

this american life (not to be confused with that american life) ep last week did an expose on the documentary hell house.

the doc is about an evangelical church in texas that breeds new christians by putting fear and redemption on a collision course in a "hell house." participants (who pay $7 to participate-bah!) witness terrifying scenes of violent deaths--acted out live by teenagers with real guns as props--from aids, bleeding out from an abortion, suicide after a gang rape, and a school shooting. lovely! at the end of the scene, the actors are sent to hell. at the end of the tour of hell house, participants are given the choice to pray with a counselor to dedicate their lives to christ, or to leave, sheepishly.

anyways, there is a church in colorado that is promoting this practice. it is called new destiny christian center. the church is manufacturing Hell House Outreach Kits for other churches to build their own hell houses, to save more souls. the church is in thornton, which is really close to me. i think i'm going to buy one. hell house 2010. just kidding.

Senior Pastor Keenan Roberts is manning the front lines of a spiritual battle to save sinners from the devil. his email is on the website....if you come up with anything you might like to say to him.....about what he is doing to our country and our youth......

listen to TAL podcast here.

analog nostalgia, the loss of tactility

2009-11-02T00:17:00.000-08:00

i'm pretty sure this was written by tres altman

being a gold digging whore might get easier

2009-10-29T00:35:00.000-07:00

alternet just posted an article on some research a scientist is doing to make a real deal love drug.

the age old question of 'love or money' may be removed from the either/or category. this research scientist dood says someday, you'll be able to take a pill, and in an eternal-sunshine-esque manner chemicals will be emitted on various receptor sites in your brain that are triggered by feelings of infatuation, love, lust, attraction. the map will be traced and recorded, and you'll be able to rummage up feelings of love & lust for anyone, as lusty after that old geezer as you were at sixteen for your high school sweetheart.

the new question will be, would you rather let a relationship run its natural course, let it gradually fizzle, or alter your feelings for a person with a pill to maintain that initial tipsy, warm feeling buzzing in your heart?

science is creepy.

being a couple's counselor might get easier, too.

nina ricci

2009-10-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

i love the 2009 nina ricci fall collection--so feminine and romantic--so not my style! the delicate, cascading fabrics and the creamy, subtle colors pair nicely with the snow on the ground and the hues in the sky on this cold, blue boulder day.

LA October...

2009-10-12T22:03:00.000-07:00

going home to LA tomorrow. i'm excited to eat here.

and to show my bouldery friends this landmark.

photo credit Kitsune Noir

going home as a tourist will be interesting. going to LA on a shoestring budget should make things interesting-er.

oh, and i am even MORE excited to eat here.

just sssayin'. represent.

california, it's been too long.

2009-10-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

XLR8R reviews Decibel Festival. A good read.

samsara

2009-10-10T18:04:00.001-07:00

doing things to ourselves

doing things for ourselves

impound ordinance

2009-10-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

"we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

If Denver passes ballot initiative 300, an existing ordinance will be rewritten to sharpen the consequences for violating its terms. As is, Denver police officers can use discretion as to who and who should not have their cars impounded based on net public safety. Initiative 300 would revoke that right, and require officers to impound the vehicle of any unlicensed driver without proof of vehicle registration. No, not of any unlicensed driver, but of any driver pulled over without his license.

Damages could total $3,000 after retrieving your vehicle and the incurrence of court costs. So, the next time you run out to the grocery store, are pulled over for your broken tail light, and cannot produce your license, you can kiss your car goodbye, in addition to your next couple paychecks.

Initiative 300 would effect the whole citizen population of Denver, and anyone who drives through Denver, but was designed with one small subset of people in mind: illegal immigrants.

Let me draw a parallel.

Everyone who travels through a US airport has to remove their shoes because our overzealous federal government imposed a sweeping reform based on the actions of a single person. I feel degraded as a human when i am asked to remove my shoes, my coat, at the security check in an airport. so, do i resent the one guy who allegedly hid a bomb in his shoe, or do i resent the reaction of our federal government?

Our entire country was impacted by the action of one man.

That’s power. By reacting the way the federal government did--adding a new branch to our government!-bloating our bureaucracy, spying on our own citizens--all of these actions demonstrated a weakened connfidence in each other and in our system.

•

In terms of the extreme measure that the new vehicle impound ordinance proposes, the cost of keeping illegal immigrants out of our country is its dignity. The measure attempts to arrest a problem that local government is ill-equipped to resolve. Denver police officers are employed in the sphere of public safety, not border control. To vote yes on the initiative is to penalize each other. To vote yes on initiative 300 is to have local law enforcement combatting an elusive perpetrator that is the jurisdiction of the federal government.

Initiative 300 would be passed in lieu of public safety, not for public safety.

things you can do on saturday that i cannot

2009-10-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

service at the cup on a friday night is atrocious. but then again, I am at the cup on a Friday night.

tomorrow, instead of walking around denver knocking on doors with a sense of urgency, imploring citizens to engage with their november ballot by checking "no" on the box for Initiative 300, I will be reprising my role as Cash Receptacle in the play titled Story of My Life, and viewings are 5 days a week.

another thing you could do tomorrow is walk around boulder for open studios, where you can step into the studios of local artists. cost is $12 for guidebook. support your local artist community! i went last year in good company, and it was pleasantly worthwhile.

an apparition

2009-10-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

two days free of the day job since i got home from decibel festival, and boogers are my life and my bed is my prison.

a full time retail job would create a split personality disorder of even the brightest and most authentic human beings. i get a queasy feeling that i cannot discern the me i am in the company of my friends and family from the placating me i am not really (i hope) in the company of strangers with whom i have shared the briefest interactions. does this mean i am genuine to all, or disingenuine to all if i treat all people the same? i need more ways by which i can distinguish myself from that self.

sometimes i feel like i am a sound bite, one those fragments of audio and visual that pass for news in our bleeding culture of disinformation.

i made a move on catching up with significant films i have missed over the last few years.

the color was beautiful. as evan pointed out, by omitting a soundtrack, the film requires you to interpret your feelings for each scene, instead of them being determined for you by queuing some music. this anomalous feature of the film was so terrifying i had to stop and start it 4 times over the course of two days. i'm glad i finished it.

decibel festival 2009

2009-10-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

++++

arrived @ decibel music festival 2009. seattle, wa.

"what are you here for?" was the question i repeated to myself in order to stay grounded while exploring seattle, and the prolific depths of astonishingly provocative music and live video art. dB was a metaphysical experiment in transcending the division of sight and sound.

"anything describing sound is fairly complicated."

my question was answered not by me, but by the abundance of energy i felt coursing through my body while i did nothing but listen and watch, cocooned in complete stillness.

Government 2.0-- Less M.C. Escher Print, More Aqua User Interface

2009-04-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of change, President Barack Obama will appoint the first United States federal Chief Technology Officer. The job description is to:

ensure that our government and all its agencies have the right infrastructure, policies and services for the 21st century. The CTO will ensure the safety of our networks and will lead an interagency effort, working with chief technology and chief information officers of each of the federal agencies, to ensure that they use best-in-class technologies and share best practices.

Obama demonstrated his tech savvy during the 2008 election, and proved that taking advantage of innovative technology leads to success. Recasting the Director of New Media from stagehand to starring role by titling Macon Phillips “special assistant to the President” is a new and notable deviation from previous administrations’ commitment to giving tech its proper place in the White House. On January 20 at 12:01 PM, Phillips posted the first ever blog entry at WhiteHouse.gov.

On March 26, WhiteHouse. gov hosted its first online town hall style question and answer session. “Open for Questions” converges the web and democracy by allowing users to login to whitehouse.gov and submit and rate questions. The most popular will be answered, live, by the President via webcast.

Our country has never seen a webocracy before. If the Director of New Media and the rest of the Obama team are using advanced technology to improve the public face of the White House, imagine what the Chief Technology Officer could do to transform the remaining 90% of the U.S. Government.

Basically, the Chief Technology Officer (CTO) could do for the U.S. government what Steve Jobs did for the personal computer.

Currently, navigating our government, understanding its framework, and accessing its information is about as easy as finding your way out of an M.C. Escher print--staircases leading nowhere, freestanding doorways, sideways arches...the architecture of our government is long overdue for renovation.

The Mac OSX aqua user interface is navigable, appealing, functional and interactive. It turned computing into a user experience that has delighted legions of consumers. It turned the personal computer into a Mac--and it turned Apple into the pioneers of innovative computing technology. It enables ordinary people to do extraordinary things, easily. Our government should enable its constituents to design, navigate, and interact with its content. The government should be one product, tool, for me to use to get things done, and so far, this is only theoretical. I can only use what is within my reach, and so much of our government’s usability is concealed, or too confusing to find. The CTO could change this.

And, well, because Steve is not currently available for the Job, enter my nomination, David Kelley. Founder of IDEO and the d.school at Stanford University, Kelley received his B.A. in electrical engineering in 1978 and has been innovating his pants off ever since. IDEO is “a worldwide leader in the user-centered design of products” and Kelley is pioneering “design-thinking” at Stanford to get students “to create delightful design experiences and embrace and promote a culture of innovation.”

Kelley is not a designer. Kelley is a design consultant. The design consultant. Kelley doesn’t have allegiances, and IDEO does not design its own products. IDEO’s agenda has always been you. As a design consultant, IDEO has simplified via innovation everything from your tube of toothpaste to the way you save money. And the government could use some simplification via innovation.

Specific challenges the use of current technology could meet: participation (people), coordination (agencies), improvement (transparency), and communication (ideas). How will technology triumph idea flow to and from the government? How will technology turn bureaucracy into webocracy, monologue into dialogue, walls into windows? This is where the U.S. government has significant space to become a usable product. A means to an end. And this is where Kelley shines. Technology is the bridge between the government and the people, and Kelley can build it.

updated 03.26.2009